Gone, Gone, Gone.

"You are my head start.

You are my rugged heart.

You're the pulse that I've always needed."

-Phillip Phillips

House Church is always cleansing for the soul. I will never, ever need a therapist as long as I can sit in a circle with some of the most inspiring people and just spill my heart on the floor. Every week, I may walk in with a burden on my shoulders and a lot in my mind, but I always leave refreshed and ready to face anything.

Tonight, the girls and I talked about what we hide behind and the burdens we do carry on ourselves every day. It's such a scary concept to process when you know that you never want to let out your own personal insecurities. I figured to myself that it was my insecurities themselves that make me run away from my problems. For those who don't know me personally, I make fun of myself more than anyone else on the planet. I easily drag myself down and hurt my own feelings. Why would I even bother with this, you may wonder? A long time ago, I realized I'm not even near being perfect (perfection is unrealistic in my book)  so I should accept my flaws and move on. But other people point out flaws like no tomorrow; it's just human nature taking its course. I thought that if I make fun of my own problems, who can truly hurt me? But it does. And that scares me beyond anything.

My other "fig leaf" to hide behind is the fact that I never want to be someone else's bother. I openly share my feelings and complain about my issues, but when it comes to people trying to help me, I can never accept the fact that they are there. I let people in to my deepest and darkest moments and right at the climax of the situation, I push them farther away than they were to begin with. It's harsh and rude, but it's my way of defending them. I always pray I will never be a burden to other people and yet, the fear is constantly weighing in my mind.

We all have our own problems. Some may be worse than others, that's for sure. But it's alright if you're stressed over a math test while someone else is grieving three deaths. You can feel the same sadness and regret and doubt. You're allowed to feel how you want, even if it may be upsetting or selfish at the time. Like I said, we're all human and things do get the best of us. What I mainly learned from last night's therapy session is to always know these two words:

IT'S OKAY.

We can wake up every day and know that things are still there. Life is still around. There are people that care about us, whether or not we know it. We have to embrace that and sure, it's such a difficult concept. But it's real. 

House Church does take all my pain and sorrow away. It gives me two hours to breathe and laugh and be so beyond enthralled with everything around me. It opens my heart to new ideas and makes me understand the most important things a person could ever know.

Thank you, House Church, for guiding my heart in the right direction. And for making me want to ditch class all Wednesday for a Chik-fil-A opening. 

That's another story....