Fire and Dynamite.

"You are a novel

in a sea of magazines.

You make me nervous,

you make my heart beat."

-Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors

I am emotionally exhausted. My eyes are still burning from the overwhelming amount of salt water tears that have drowned out all of my worries and fears. My last night at home turned into a full-blown therapy session. Per the usual, I explored my vicious anxieties that weigh over me at any second of any day. Sadly, any words used to bandage up the scars I have created over these burdens will never suffice. I've accepted the fact that I honestly believe I am going to end up, one day, with no money, no friends and no happiness upon me. Being melodramatic is my specialty. My only issue is the fact that it's not just for attention; it's the cold, hard truth that plays on repeat in my brain.

As I have grown up and gotten older, I'm starting to wise up and see the main issue among many that I've always had. Truthfully, I know I'm insecure. It's a difficult concept for me to grasp because I would never, ever want to admit that. But in all honesty, I lack the confidence and self-esteem to be okay. It sounds scary to anyone who feels the exact opposite. Sadly though, I've accepted it and it has ingrained itself in my mind forever. I really don't know how to fix this whole mess of mine. I could try everything, but at this point in time, I'm really not sure where to go.

Why do the lyrics above have anything to do with this whole dramatic rant I'm going off on? One thing to keep my mind off the worries of the world is music. A good song can take all the pain away and paint a smile upon my face. I came across this song a few months back and it has slowly fallen back into fashion. The guitar melody captures me with absolute fearlessness and the lyrics swallow up my soul with pure happiness. If this song was ever played for me or sang to me by a boy, I'm pretty positive I would marry them right then and there. 

So, on a day like today, I need these words. They bring me something I can't find in myself when the light goes dark. This song makes me whole when the best people and things cannot hold me up. This song allows me to take everything I've dealt with in and actually feel alive. As much of a cliche as this may sound, music is my life.