Life Is Better With You.

"Thoughts still swimming around in my head

with all the words we've ever said.

My favorites remain, 'I love you.'"

-Michael Franti & Spearhead.

Goodness gracious, God is putting so many heavy things on my heart lately. Times like this make me question His judgment of timing, but I honestly believe it's all for a reason. The stress, the anger, the anxiety...it's all meant for something. I just wish I had the patience to sit through this somewhat misery I'm dealing with as of late in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

For a millionth time, study abroad is approaching. Applications must be started and pondering the funds for such an endeavor are causing major freakouts. I know it's worth a lifetime of experience and an innumerable amount of memories, but why does money have to possibly throw away my dream? How can pieces of thin paper determine our lives? I know it shouldn't be the answer, but sometimes, it's the only outlet. Ick.

This is day 3 of my gym/health kick renewal. Due to the fact that I think I look disgusting when I look in the mirror (what's new.), I am carefully counting all calories put into my body and working out as much as possible. Unhealthy, I think not. Just not the way many people go about things. But you want to know my revelation I come upon about once every couple months? 

Comparison is the killer of all joy.

I know that in my head. I have heard it on repeat a million times. The only way to feel better about my body and looks is to fake it. Fake it 'til you make it. Tell myself I'm beautiful even if I think it to be a lie at first. Remind myself of the great things I have in life, like a family and sunshine and food on my table. But when I look at others who are prettier or smarter, those statements all turn into worthless sentences. BUT THEY SHOULD MEAN SO MUCH MORE, IT'S HORRIBLE.

I need to just pray for a while. Can I have, like, a spiritual retreat from school for the next three days? That sounds wonderful to just talk about God's plans and my uncertainty and just having faith. I need to believe and trust. Things are going to be okay. Maybe not right now. Maybe not for the next week.

But ultimately, I'm alive. I'm blessed. I'm loved by Him. And that's the best reassurance I need right now. His love and faith and grace.