If You're Going Through Hell.

"You step off the straight and narrow

and you don't know where you are.

Take the needle of your compass

to sew up your broken heart."

-Rodney Atkins.

Ah, Nashville. You had great weather today full of warm sunshine and sweet breezes. If only it could last a little longer. Unfortunately, the weather changes here as fast as my mood. Bleh.

Right now, I believe I'm in some kind of Post Spring Break Depression. I thought that a week home would get me out of the negative rut that school puts me in. But in return, it only made me feel worse and begging for summer soon. All of this sadness and anger is resulting in pure exhaustion. And I've had it with trying to be happy. It's just not working for me.

And I really don't know where to go from here. Because I don't know what will ever truly make me happy in the long run of things. Sure, I love Disneyland and summer and eating Snocones on the beach. But even those things could never buy me a lifetime worth of happiness. Maybe I'm asking for too much, but even a day like today could not break me out of the sad hole I've been digging myself into.

During times like these, I just have to breathe and think for myself. Usually when people get upset or sad, they rely on others. I'm quite the opposite; I would rather be by myself blasting some country music or watching The Devil Wears Prada for the millionth time in a row. That is what brings me peace during depression.

I guess that's why I miss home so much. Because home isn't stressful. It's not filled with millions of people that are in dire need of attention. Home is where I have my own room and I can stay up alone til 3AM and write constantly and go for bike rides. Home is where I have inside jokes and the familiarity of driving to my grandparents' house every afternoon.

For the billionth time, bring me summer. Quick. Before I completely lose my mind in a place like this.