Should've Been Us.

"It should've been us.

Should've been a fire,

should've been the perfect storm."

- Tori Kelly.

The VMAs were...interesting, to say the least.

1) Miley doesn't know how to talk about anything but being naked and marijuana.
2) Nicki Minaj definitely has some beef with her.
3) Justin Bieber cried. Because that's what little boys do.
4) KANYE 2020. YES WE KANYE.

There you go. The quickest recap you really need. Even the fashion wasn't too significant. Yes, even Taylor Swift was an "eh" in my book. 

And that was my night in a nutshell. Honestly, I thought I would get a lot more out of this awards show. By far, it was entertaining. But I still have nothing more to say about it.

If you don't believe me, you can watch it for yourself if you so please. I'd save myself a couple hours if I was you, though.

Hold My Hand.

"Break my bones but you won't see me fall.

The rising tide will rise against them all."

- Jess Glynne.

I can't help but thinking last night was just so right.

The three Kellys and Tori had dinner over endless baskets of bread and One Direction conversations galore. We laughed over chatty waiters and ate our ways to food comas. It was good to be back as the fab four. 

To be honest, it reminded me of a brunch scene a la Sex and The City. While our names are all very similar and we aren't poised thirty-somethings in New York, we still know how to bounce off each other's vibes and laugh uncontrollably over nonsense. I wish we could always be like this, even after school.

I know we may not all be heading to the same place come graduation--Tori's going back to CA, New York Kelly may go international--but I really just want to become Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte and Carrie and move to the Big Apple to live it up. Wouldn't that just be a kick?!

How about I just stick to loving the late-night dinners and random adventures to come within the next eight months? Sounds like a better plan right now.

I Need Your Love.

"Now I'm dreaming, 

will I ever find you now?

I walk in circles,

but I'll never figure out."

- Calvin Harris feat. Ellie Goulding.

While it's only day two and yesterday was great, the stress of the semester has already started sinking in. I'm realizing that unlike London, I have a lot more homework and a lot less opportunity to see the world for the next four months. I don't mean to sound depressed over it, because I'm not. It's just truly hitting me that we're not in England anymore, Toto.

Reality is hard, sometimes. I heard someone say they were having a "mid-college crisis" because they feel as if "time is running out." Although I was an eavesdropper rather than a contributor to the conversation, I definitely wanted to butt in with a concurring statement. Knowing that school will consume the majority of my time for that running out deal, that freaks me out so much. 

I mean, I applied for graduation today. Me. The one who still eats Happy Meals and could watch Spongebob for days straight. Where did the time go and where is it going in the future? Because you got me. I can't answer that.

Rather than dwell in my anxiety, I'm just going to cruise as much as possible and dance it out. That's way more my style.

The Hills.

"I only call you when it's half past five.

The only time that I'll be by your side."

- The Weeknd.

Tomorrow is the last first day of school for me and you would think by now that I have everything in order. And yet, this is the first year I'm walking onto a campus so unprepared in my mind. I may not be starting over, but it sure feels like it.

Eight months is a long time to be away from anywhere, so to come back your last year with that predicament could be a major problem.

But rather than focus on the negative to start a new year off, I'm going to start off on the right foot. Pretty sure Sunday night did that for me.

Just to wrap it up quite quick: my longing for the UK was fulfilled in a night out with a group of British guys downtown. Who knew Broadway could be so much fun?

Monday wasn't exactly the same, but it did involve incredible friends, stupid trivia and cheap wine. So...there's that.

Keeping Tune Tuesday in mind, this song is the new jam and it's getting me through this anxious anticipation I have toward tomorrow. To be honest, the lyrics are not really what I'm all about, but then again, rap music is just that. Something I love but could probably NEVER relate to. 

Anyways, I'll just go on with life pretending summer is endless by hanging on the front porch with a Diet Coke in hand.

Sounds like the start of a great senior year, if you ask me.

(courtesy: YouTube)

Fly.

"So keep on climbing, though the ground may shake.

Just keep on reaching, though the limb might break.

We've come this far, don't you be scared now.

'Cause you can learn to fly, on the way down."

- Maddie and Tae.

I didn't think today would be that hard. I kept shrugging it off and thinking that it would be over in a small wave. 

I didn't expect to be turning away from the curb, gasping for breath and peering tightly at the stop signs between tears. 

I didn't think I would be crying by the time I hit the Interstate. I didn't think I would drown out the radio with the sadness. 

I didn't think about all of this because goodbyes are probably my least favorite thing in life. And no one wants to plan for the moments they hate the most.

I said goodbye to my best friend today. Goodbye for four months, that is. We've done this before, but never like this. Well, on my end, for sure. 

We've spent the past nine days together, so high on life we couldn't contain our laughter AT ALL. We took on the tourists down on Broadway with cowboy boots in tow. We drank cheap beer and ate way too much food at every single restaurant in town. We sang songs we pretended to know on the front porch at midnight. And because of those moments, I cried all the way home from leaving my best friend at the airport. 

I am so beyond lucky to have this life I have made for myself in Nashville. The memories and friends I have made in three years have also made me in three years. But I still hold on to my home as tight at possible, and the last piece of California I will have for four months is currently taking off. 

Maybe I'm just nervous. This whole college thing isn't technically new, but not living here for over eight months makes me feel as if I'm starting from scratch once again. I haven't sat in a legitimate classroom and there's construction at corners I used to know. I'm having to learn new shortcuts to old hangouts. And I have to reconfigure how I made this town my own.

I can do it, but it will take some time. 

I'm going to be okay. Great, even. But not overnight.

My best friend will be far from me, but that doesn't make me love her (and the rest) less.

One thing I did catch during my dramatic breakdown drive home, was the radio DJ saying, "It never gets any easier. But you gotta let them try it out. At least for a little."

You know what? She's right. Even if trying it out means a few tears and a lot more happiness. It's worth it. 

So I'm just going to stop thinking and planning and just be. Because I can do it. 

We all can.